Summer time, summer time, sumsumsummer time!

I have lived through many spiritual winters. 

I know now that the seasons of plenty and harvest, fall between seasons of muted light and diminished warmth in an enduring cycle. In a cycle of endurance. This is by design. I don't have to ask where the Son has gone in the winter. He is shining on other pastures, giving my soul time to rest and reflect and renew. Winter is a time for using the stores laid up during the time of plenty. Winter is the opportunity to feel the stretch of my soul toward the Source of the light, when all the low-lying fruit has long been gone. Winter is a time to prove my love for the Son. Winter is a reminder to be grateful.

Summer gets all the glory. It is a time when more hours of light mean more hours of labor. A time when much is given and required. A time when it is easy to see and use and share and prove the Light. Summer is the spell when love is abundantly reaped. Times of darkness are brief and well compensated. Everything is pleasant and easy in summer. We gain a false sense that it should go on and on and on.

There have been times when I thought the change in light from abundant to sufficient to meager implied a change in the favor I was finding. Not so. The Son is always radiant, central and life-giving. I am on a mortal course around the Son. Tomatoe seeds don't harbor scorn or cry forsaken when daylight shrinks, neither should I.

I am in a spiritual summer. I feel the joy and ease of my load. I hope that the stores of light and faith and hope I am setting in rows of remembrance will carry me through the next winter of stretching and rest. I know now that whatever the season my faith is enduring, the Son has not moved from His throne. In time, gravity will catch me again and pull me in close, warming my weary bones and filling me up for another swing around the Son.

I know how to say good-bye.

Twenty-two cities.
Thirty homes.
Eight schools.
Five colleges.
Forty-five room-mates (plus).
One fiancé.
Two houses.
Four cars.
Six pets.
Eighteen employers.

Countless friends.

Bits of my heart snagged loose and left behind;
precious and prone snippets that shriveled and lifted into the fickle wind,
betrayed by the breath that carried "good-bye." 

My memory alone holds the map of my journey,
and it has erased so much- -
unaccustomed to the burden of retention,
untested in the skill of holding on,
unrelenting in the motion of forward.

Separation from my heart's northern star
- -a fleeting, fearful side-affect of my imagination- -
ushers in a breathless crush of pain.

I know how to say good-bye,
which is why
I never want to know how to lose.

All of my babies are twins
born side-by-side with the fathomless fear of losing them.
Heaven and earth forbid it and perish the thought.

Change is laying in wait to devour the lovely nest
I have feathered here in the clean and dew-dampened Northwest.
It is lurking. It is licking it's long jagged teeth.

I am not afraid of Change.
I know how to say good-bye.

I'll pay my toll to the troll and pass through.
I'll say "good-bye" to places and friends.
Again.
As long as Loss and I
have an understanding.

©2013 Kathleen Ditty Simmons. All rights reserved.

To the party who deigns to read this post...

Dear Ms. Accountability,
Today I logged my calories, but haven't exercised. My much-better-half is on a mission to run a marathon and all indications are that this will be his time to succeed! He is off to an amazing start and I would claim pride but that would denote having a hand in it. Literally, I actually do have a hand in it if you consider that I purchased healthy food at Costco on Friday, portioned out snack bags and duly noted the number of calories contained therein. But beyond that, I have no claim on his success. I must admit that I'm proud of him none-the-less. He is kicking butt and taking names to myfitnesspal. Go boyfriend!!

Dear M. Muse,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't forsake me! This story that you have delivered at my feet and guided the writing of for better than 50,000 words lays half-baked and waiting for resuscitation to vitality and delivery to completed creation. Whoever you are- -you who whispers tantalizing ideas into my brain and singes my fingertips with furious and frantic lightning and my frail little hopeful heart with visions of publication- -you darn well better stick with me. PLEASE do not be fickle where my prospects are concerned. Furthermore, please pardon my delay as it is due in part to the arrival (if I may say so myself) of a delectably enchanting smallish girl person who (how else can I say it?) needs me more than Simon does just now. If I sound desperate it is only because {{I AM!}} I love the promise of conducting this story as copper conducts electricity, pipes conduct water and smallish boys conduct mayhem. I cannot claim it's creation to myself, but please don't go looking for a new conveyor of words. Stick with me{{!!!}}. (You know you want to. I'll give you five bucks. I can only imagine that even muses need their own proverbial "diet cola" money from time to time... wink, wink.) Seriously, though. Don't go.

Dear Father Time,
Slow the heck down! We have already mourned the passing of #2's "I luFF it!" phase. "I luFF waffles!" "I luFF dinosaurs!" "I luFF this show!" "I luFF baby si(s)dder!" Although I suppose I must acknowledge due credit to you for simultaneously ushering in the current "danks mom! you duh best!" phase- -as long as you insist on persisting. The TRex phase is still alive and well- -complete with two fingered hand-holding, high-fiving, cup-wielding, etc. Bless him, that "cutest dinosaur in the whole wide world" of mine. :) Offspring #1 is currently thick in "the emotional and cognitive experimentation and independence of the four-y-o mind" business. THICK, I tell you. On one hand: kudos to his developmental progression. On the other hand: please let us progress through this phase with speedy forgetting! "You make me so angry!" "I know a LOT of things!" (said in disdain at the suggestion that he has some growing up yet to do, and will know as much as mommy does one day- -maybe even more!) "I wish I wasn't in this family!" "This has been the best day ever!" etc, etc. I have to remind myself that he is only four and despite his very loud assertions that he "IS a bigger kid!!" he still wants to "nuggle" me (in the words of #2) every night before bedtime, and can often be found perched on my lap through out the day. His ability to make friends and create wonderful adventures is inspiring and I hope that will be one thing that never phases out. As for #3, all I can tell you is that I'm all at once weary, grateful and awed when she wants me. Her sweet, unconditional smile is my very undoing.

Dear blogosphere,
Thanks for still being here when I need you.

Nigh night.

Not fair.

SKIP TO THE END>>>

Breakfast - Joe's O's, raisins and apple slices for them {not that they ate any!} / 1 apple slice for me b/c who has time for more than that on a school morning?
Shower - yes!! v. brief, but still.
Preschool drop-off - made it on time, got  #1's hands washed {to the little preschool punks who cut in line and your moms who did nothing about it: I bid you a mild 'grr.'} signed him in and exited gracefully without a tantrum from shoeless #2 - almost.
Health Coach visit - took "before" measurements and pictures. It's going to be SO GREAT when I can see how far I've come. {just keep telling yourself that!}
Job Opp - I talked with a friend at Women's Conference on Saturday who thinks there's an openning at her work in the child care room at a fitness center. It would mean I could take my kids with me, get a free workout and get paid, too! I picked up an application this morning after dropping off #1.
Job App - Talked for too brief a minute with Allison (!!!) for a reference. Man! Do I hate filling out an application. But for this job, it would be worth it for sure!
Breakfast - take 2 - a cranberry chocolate chip whole wheat and granola apple sauce cookie for me and #2 {made yummier by the fact that TBS made them!}
Preschool Pick-Up - went great. According to #1's teacher, he's using nicer words, but he's one in a batch of four or so boys who can't keep their hands to themselves. {A nice way of saying he hits, right? nice....}
Lunch - hotdogs, cheese slice, whole wheat tortilla and peaches for them {a little more success this time!} Tomatoe, ham and cheese wrap for me. {Washed down with Orange Cream Soda - yum.}
Tidying up - had my work cut out for me, but got quite a bit done. The boys did some too. #1 is quite the excellent helper. #2 is more work, since I have to physically make him pick something up and put it where it goes. Little pill. :oP
Naptime - I'm avoiding the FACT that #1 is over naptime. It took the boys an hour to fall asleep because they were playing together instead. I finally had to remove the covetted Buzz from the room and sit and read to myself in there to get them to fall sleep.
Writing time - got a bit done but it was severely hindered by the naptime. I gave it a break and now I'm blogging.

THE END>>> How unfair is it that on top of the exhausting craziness that has comprised the mere seven hours that I've been awake, I am also now feeling periodical??!??!? 

It's not fair, I tell you. It's just plain. not. fair.

Share and share alike*.

In the case of my two and three-year-old...

soooo not happening.

I'm not sure if FutureFineYoungMan#1 is enjoying the lollipop or the gloating** more. The only thing for certain is that FFYM#2 is DeVaStAteD. 

Until....

"Hey!..."

 

Just one way to make this better: mend one's sorrow by sacrificing the other's joy.

{parenting at it's best, no?}

The understated, sad expression on FFYM#1 kills me.

 

As for FFYM#2: ~Nuttin' wrong wit' dis Morton. Nuttin' wrong wit' dis. -Horton

After another trip through the check out line at Tillamook, all was again right and balanced {'cept the budget} in the universe.

 

Note to self: duh. What did you THINK was going to happen?

 



- - - - - - - - -
*To be clear: this was not staged for the purposes of blogging fodder***. That's definitely not how I roll. I'm really just this naive. Or was. Before this invaluable lesson in child development.
**He should be in acting classes... as the TEACHER! ;o)
***Once the drama started, I couldn't help but snap pics****.
****I've been undecided about whether to post pictures of the FFYM's faces on here*****, but I'm letting that paranoia go.
*****Afer all, that's why I made my other blog private and started a new one******.
******Things change*******.
*******By now, I'm just laughing at the thought of someone actually reading the gratuitous footnotes of footnotes. {it's late- I'd laugh at just about anything right now.}

Today's Accomplishments: OT with #2^ , made zucchini bread, window shopped a kids consignment shop, had TBS buy The Goose Girl for book club^^, "made a restaurant" in the backyard for lunch time, FHE^^^, had a rare mothering treat (#2 woke up early at naptime from a bad dream and he fell asleep with me on the couch. sweet sleepy snuggles filled my mothering bucket.) made dinner, met with my health coach, blogged.
 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
^- the kid has amazing puzzle skills, fo' real.
^^did I mention it's for the book club that meets tomorrow night? No, I'm not a speed reader. Just a hopeless optimist -my crazy, mad, superhuman skills are going to kick in at any minute.....
^^^about gardening. :o) after the lesson and songs, we played a game where we were all a vegetable and grandpa was the gardener, and when we got dirt and water and sun, we started to grow (think snow man song). Sounds like I made it up, right?

I don't live with my parents! ;o)

My dad retired in June of 2010, and he and my mom were going to spend their time between all their kids who have been scattered to the four winds. Their home-base was going to be in Utah with one of my brothers, so they moved away from Oregon and headed east.

Meanwhile...

I was eight months pregnant and staying home with my one-year-old and TheBoyScout was about to leave for seven weeks of Boy-Scout-Camp-directing fun. {oy.}

So I said to my parentals, "come and stay with me for the summer, and then go to Utah..."

They did and we all liked the arrangement so well that they stayed. In my house. The one we purchased in 2007. {read: I'm not a vagrant waif!}

Fast forward ten months, when we got word of a potential transfer to Portland. In HIGH hopes of living in the northwest again, I "staged" my home and put it on the market for an inevitable and unavoidable short-sale.*

We got a job offer in Portland, found a buyer for our home, got approved for the short-sale and moved our butts outta Pocatello as fast as our three vehicles could take us! within a six week period.

Because we SHARE a home with my parents, as my mom likes to word it, we are all able to afford a nicer home than we could separately, I have the distinct priviledge of staying home with my kids, and we are all living happily ever after.

People are boggled by our living arrangement. They delicately ask how it works. So, being the shy, reserved, mincer of words that I am (!) I tell them:

I run the house so my mom doesn't have to.*** Which suits us both perfectly. My mom and I combine our decorating resources and furniture to our mutual taste and satisfaction. My boys have a room, TheBoyScout and I have a room, my parents have a room, and we have a bonus/craft/guest/writing room to boot.

If it weren't for the fact that our prayers were all answered by this arrangement which was by no means sought out but never-the-less fits us all like a glove, I wouldn't have believed it possible myself.

My parents don't have to worry about upkeep**** and are free to serve as Employment Resource Center Missionaries, and come and go on day trips and road trips as they please.

I am free to stay home and try to figure out the whole "nurturing of children" thing.

TheBoyScout, being the magnanimous, ever-patient, and wonderful man that he is***** gets along perfectly with all of us, including his mother-in-law. Who, of her own right, is an awesome and amazing person too.

I'm not exagerating, and I'm not sugar coating. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but when Heavenly Father answers a prayer, its better to take the answer and run! ;o)

- - - - - - - - - -
*We all felt SO blessed to have everything click into place as if it was all meant to be, despite the lousy housing market and the fact that we purchased our second** home during the height of the property value bubble.
**Please believe me when I tell you I am not a vagrant waif! :o)
***She has health limitations that preclude her ability to do all the things her willing little spirit wants to do!
****Though my dad (bless him!) does the dishes and the yard work more than any of the rest of us...
*****Seriously don't know how I got so blessed as to rope him into marrying me and LIKE it too!

"I've got some good news and some bad news."*

Today's Accomplishments: went grocery shopping with the boys and survived the worst and longest-lived public tantrum of my whole young life as a mom**. Made beef stew from scratch, and hid broccoli in it. Checked the budget.*** Blogged. Made breakfast cookies ala my new Health Coach.**** {Kate is a mom at the same preschool, and she's already started teaching me how to be a better (and more health-conscious) cook/baker.*****}

What you missed while I was away: I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday,****** re-organized the craft/guest/writing room after the onslaught of old "new" items found during the re-organization of the garage, worked on the binding for the table runner last Wednesday, started ripping stitches out of said runner yesterday,******* survived first "full day" of preschool - despite not being able to find it when it came time to pick up FFYM#1. Threw away the cute paper flower wreath mentioned previously, because FFYM#2 got his hands on it and ripped it to pieces and literal shreds "re-arranged" things quite a bit. Started re-reading Twighlight.******** Took a day trip to Tillamook and the beach at Seaside with the boys and grandma and grandpa.

CHEEEEEEESE!!!

(Tillamook Cheese Factory)*********

 

Last week:

 

FFYM#1: Mom, I have some good news and some bad news.

Me: (laughing from surprise) What's the bad news?

FFYM#1: The bad news IiIiis... (drawn out for effect) we didn't get to go to the museum today.

Me: (still laughing) And what's the good news?

FFYM#1:The good news IiiiIiis... (drawn out for affect) we could still go to the pool.

Me: {note to self: must pay better attention to the shows my kids are watching.}

And so, in the words of FFYM#1, I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news iiiiiiis... that I sold my awesome washer and dryer********** on Craigslist last week. The bad news iiiiiiiiis... that during the move the door on the washer must have been bumped and the new owners couldn't get the cycle to start. They bought a cheap part online, installed it and the washer worked fine. All parties were happy and the whole transaction was a success. Whew!

(FFYM#1: "Mom, do you have some more good news and some more bad news?")

Yes, I do.

The bad news is that we accrued quite a bit of medical debt over the summer and I'm broke. The good news is that between the proceeds from the sale of my awesome washer and dryer and robbing from the food budget for the next few months, we'll have it paid off and be less broke. :o)

(FFYM#1: "And do you have some more good news and bad news?")

Yes, I do.

The bad news is that we cancelled Dish Network this week. The good news is that we cancelled Dish Network this week.

(FFYM#1: "Mom, do you have some more good news and some more bad news?")

Yes, I do.

The bad news iiiiis.... that it's past my bedtime. The good news iiiiiiis... that now I get to go to bed.

- - - - - - - - - -
*This is FutureFineYoungMan#1's favorite phrase this week. It's very cute. He gets it right every time, he's smarter than me. Then he asks if I have any bad news and good news. This game goes on for several minutes, until finally, we're both out of news of any sort. :o)
**Can't say for certain that I didn't throw a worse one myself at that age. (or an older age for that matter.)
***Have done several times, actually. Quicken is awesome now that I've gotten the hang of tracking everything.
****So excited to be supporting an up-and-coming entrepreneur and health expert!! We are working out a trade of sorts. :o)
*****Praise be! Heaven knows I need the help!
******Take no note of the fact that I haven't mentioned cleaning the bathrooms in the four or so weeks I've been blogging here. :o| 
*******Was I supposed to know that you sew the binding on WITH the batting and backing at the same time? :o\ 
********I can't help myself. :o` 
*********Yes, I took the picture and THEN removed my kids from the hazardous zone behind the hand rail. :o?
**********Since we share a house with my parentals,*********** we have been using their newer, high effeciency machines.
***********It's a long story - sounds like fodder for a future post, but in the meantime, don't judge me. It's not what it sounds like... ;o)